6th of February 2007
Jerry (Candy) Lastnamewithheld, a member of the small, rare, and extremely odd Lastnamewithheld clan, died after a few excruciating days from unknown but believed natural causes.
Jerry was 1 yr. 11 m. 25 days our amusing pet-his actual lifespan may have been 4-6 yrs(a fish never reveals his vitals to mammals!).
In our absence, our friend, Marlene always took care of him. They probably had serious discussions about life, its meaning, and politics.
Jerry had a secret life as an explorer in the great unknown green habitat that was Sebastian's room. He also had some incompatible tank mates that he managed to kill off with his bad hygiene.
He has now joined the big murky waters of some sewage system after a brief toilet ceremony held on Tuesday evening.
The wake and burial services had a small attendance due to Superbowl Sunday commercials, Heroes on Monday night, and the Sabre's stroke-inducing game on Tuesday.
Jerry we will somewhat miss you and your speckled orange and pearlescent white scales.
Donations for another pet can be made out to Dora and her alone-No Pennies Please.
*first published on myspace
"Every morning it's difficult to get out of bed because my boys inch towards me to the point where I can only wriggle down to escape the unconscious mass of testosterone bent on suffocating me."-Dora Jesmore
Yesterday I awoke to the horrid sound of our alarm and made my way to my children's empty bedroom to get them clothes and feed our goldfish.
Thanks to the unnaturally colored plastic plant in the tank, I hadn't noticed that Jerry was gone until I stood over and noticed that Jerry wasn't begging for his flakes near the surface as is his habit.
Panic took hold as I searched in vain in his tank and I still can't believe he jumped out of a one by four inch opening at the top.
I quickly began to search the toy littered floor, Dylan had arrived and if he beat me to it his breakfast would definitely be quite the fresh treat.
I'm not the type that shrieks at the sight or feel of dead things but I let out a low yelp as I blindly felt around the bedside table and ran into a crusty yet slimy fish.
I picked up the dust bunny covered fish and jiggled him to see if he'd jerk; despite my gloomy thoughts he weakly responded by opening his mouth, so I dropped him back into his tank and watched him hopelessly swim upside down.
To our surprise he recovered within the next minute and resumed swimming around as if he'd never tried his stupid but daring escape. Scott believes he probably became suicidal due to my neglect.
I confess I didn't clean his tank for over a month and as a result a terrible layer of algae took over the walls of the tank making it impossible for him to see out and us in.
I found the original plastic piece and fit it back on the lid to cover the feeding gap and in a rush to leave grabbed the closest thing available to cover the other opening to prevent another incident.
My husband found my choice hilarious and upon my return asked me if I'd noticed that I had provided Jerry with a parachute.
